found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
