So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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