carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
