Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Semen is not good for contacts.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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