I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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