Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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