I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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