I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
