No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
