Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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