Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
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