one word: firstdatebathroomanal
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Randomize
