That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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