i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
