put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
