we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
A bitchslap is in order.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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