So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
