Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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