Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize