No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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