i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
