So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
