Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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