ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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