Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
