wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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