Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
