Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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