do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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