Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
