but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
