Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
