Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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