you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
