First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She bit a glass in half.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
