Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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