Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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