I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
