ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
