I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
