she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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