I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
