And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
