If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
