alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
