there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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