Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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