overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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