its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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