Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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