dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
