Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We left the knife in your bed.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize