just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
bring money and cleavage
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize