Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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