Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
