Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
