I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
