so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
