is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Found the puke drawer
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
