and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
