My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
