We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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