"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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