Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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