wrigley field is MILF paradise
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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