But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
