i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
