Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
