Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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