Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
