I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
