I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
