Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
